Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
