Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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