I CAN MOONWALK!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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