you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
