I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
