Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't deserve a penis
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
