Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
