Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
