We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
