Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
