somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
