why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
