Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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