so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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