My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
