don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
