if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
