On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
