I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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