Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
