i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
