what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
