i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
