i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
