My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
