This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
