from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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