is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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