I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
