Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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