i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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