So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
