were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
