I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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