there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
bring money and cleavage
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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