I heard we made out
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
