From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
