The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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