omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
