I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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