I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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