She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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