I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
