Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
