I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
