somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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