do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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