Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
