I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
