as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
