I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
