Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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