Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
