my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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