It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
