A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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